AUGUST 2019 IGNOMINIOUS ABSURDITY OF THE MONTH: THE IGGY

1. Jeffrey E. Epstein. Epstein, the wealthy financier who is accused of sex trafficking, and child molesting had an unusual dream: He hoped to seed the human race with his DNA by impregnating women at his vast New Mexico ranch where he could maintain a vast stable of women for the sole task of impregnation—by himself.

Mr. Epstein’s vision reflected his longstanding fascination with what has become known as transhumanism: the science of improving the human population through technologies like genetic engineering and artificial intelligence. Critics have likened transhumanism to a modern-day version of eugenics, the discredited field of improving the human race through controlled breeding.

That’s something you can kind of envision the leaders of the Third Reich contemplating in their Berlin bunker at the close of World War II, just before the Soviet tanks overran them. It appears to stem from some egomaniacal notion that because they’ve managed, whether by fortune, skill, conquest, or just plain dumb luck to attain a hugely disparate share of power over others, well, there must be something special about themselves that separates them from the rest of the human race .

In the case of Epstein, a billionaire who quite literally had the world at his beck and call, it apparently took the form of  trying to achieve some type of "immorality." This strain of gross egotism isn’t all that uncommon among the billionaire set. Jeff Bezos and Peter Thiel are some examples of those who’ve succumbed to this burning desire to bless the world with their perpetual existence, devoting large chunks of their fortunes to quixotic “life extension” projects.

But even among such rarefied company, Epstein still sounds like a character straight out of Blade Runner:

Beyond his fixation with “transhumanism” and buried deep in that New York Times article, another interesting tidbit about Epstein was brought out.  As spotted by Marie Lodi, writing for New York Magazine:

If that wasn’t shocking enough, another detail that stood out was Epstein’s supposed interest in cryonic preservation, a pseudoscientific process in which the human body or head is frozen and stored with the hope that it could be successfully revived in the future, à la Encino Man. According to sources who spoke to the Times, Epstein “wanted his head and penis to be frozen.”

While he presumably wanted to have his head frozen to protect his brain, it’s not clear what benefit Epstein desired to bestow on future generations with his frozen penis. Nor was the method and storage of preserving this appendage fully fleshed out. As the penis itself serves as a mere vehicle for reproduction, the natural question arises as to whether Epstein meant for his testicles to be preserved as well. Or whether he intended his penis to maintain some sort of functionality down through the centuries, in some type of animatronic-like state.

Further complicating the situation, Epstein made no known arrangements for the penis’ presentation or the manner in which the public might view it.  So, whether it was meant to be seen by private invitation or by the broader public remains a mystery (perhaps he envisioned lines forming around the block at the Met in New York, for example, for such an exhibit). The sad likelihood is that, with Epstein’s suicide we will never get a straight answer to these questions.

I have no evidence, but I suspect that Donald Trump has sacked away some of his sperm for future breeding purposes. How better to extend his white nationalist legacy? And, would you put it past the Trumpster to have his head and penis frozen as well? (To be sure, after he has had them cast in bronze and put on display in the Capitol Rotunda.)

But when all is said and done, Epstein and Trump shouldn’t be worried. Enough evidence has already been developed about their character and behavior that few will conclude that they were anything less than colossal pricks. And no one needs to see their penises for that.


2. Senator Pat Toomey. Following the Dayton shooting, Toomey sang the usual Republican hosannas to assault weapons during an appearance on Fox News. The gist: They’re “extremely popular,” so we can’t ban them.

Here’s the nuttery in all its glory:

FOX NEWS’ SANDRA SMITH: The shooter in Dayton had over 240 rounds at his disposal when he was shot and killed; he had the capacity to kill many more. Are you making any calls or recommendations on changing laws pertaining to that?

TOOMEY: So, my focus is on keeping guns out of the hands of people who should not have guns, people who have no legal right to a firearm. You know, guns that are described as assault weapons are almost invariably no more powerful than ordinary hunting rifles. They look different. They’re painted black and they’ve got features that an ordinary hunting rifle doesn’t have, but they’re no more lethal and …

FOX: What about magazine size?

TOOMEY: … and they’re extremely popular, and so to ban an extremely popular firearm, I’m not going to support that. That would be an infringement on the rights of law-abiding citizens.

3. More from Former Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore. Candidates for the Republican nomination to the Alabama U.S. Senate seat currently held by Democrat Doug Jones reacted to the mass gun slaughter of the past week in El Paso and Dayton just as you’d expect them to.

Huntsville TV station WHNT published comments made by U.S. Rep. Bradley Byrne, Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill, Alabama state Rep. Arnold Mooney, and former Auburn University football coach Tommy Tuberville that ranged from blaming Congress in general, to blaming Democrats, to calling for implementation of “the laws that are already on the books.”

And then, of course, there was former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore:

“Mass shootings and senseless murders of innocent people are evidence of a moral problem in our country, not a lack of gun control. Liberals who want to take our guns continue to protest our inalienable right to acknowledge God in our schools, our courts, and in the public square. Without God and recognition of the Christian religion which once formed the basis of our society, we will continue to suffer national immorality, as according to George Washington, the father of our country, in his farewell address. As U.S. Senator, I will continue to support our rights under the 1st and 2nd Amendments in the U.S. Constitution.”

You will, of course, search in vain for the word “Christian” in Washington’s farewell address. However, you will find distinct warnings against too much of “the spirit of party,” foreign influence and corruption, and the consolidation of power in one branch of government over the others. The address is worth reading, and as relevant today as it was in 1796.

4. Conservative Fox News Commentator Tucker Carlson. Carlson doesn’t think white supremacy is a real problem in America. On his Tucker Carlson Tonight” show, He also likened white supremacy to “the Russian Hoax,” calling it a “conspiracy theory” used by democrats to divide the country.

Carlson’s latest absurdity shouldn’t be a surprise, given his history of ignominious utterances. Here are the facts behind Carlson’s claims about white supremacy.

Carlson: [“President Trump] never endorsed white supremacy or came close to endorsing white supremacy. That’s just a lie.”

Patently untrue. President Trump has left little doubt about his prejudice against non-white races. He famously slurred Obama and Mexican immigrants, told four minority congresswomen they should “go back to their countries,” and claimed there were “very fine people on both sides” of a clash between white nationalists and counter-protesters in Charlottesville, Va. He even proudly refereed to himself as a nationalist, who just happened to be white.

Carlson: “If you were to assemble a list, a hierarchy of concerns of problems this country faces, where would white supremacy be on the list? Right up there with Russia, probably. It’s actually not a real problem in America.”

Law enforcement experts, scholars and many independent news organizations have repeatedly affirmed that several mass shootings in America have their roots in white supremacist beliefs. Even Fox News has been moved to use the term in describing mass attacks.

Carlson’s denials shouldn’t mask his complicity in inspiring targeted white supremacist violence. Like President Trump, on multiple occasions he has used the word “invasion” when discussing immigrant problems at the border. At one point he said, “This is an invasion, and it’s terrifying.”

Carlson: “This is a hoax. This is a conspiracy theory used to divide the country and keep a hold on power.”

If Carlson is referring to Russian election interference here, the Mueller report exposes this false claim, confirming that the Russians interfered in all 50 states.

If he’s referring to Trump’s critics dividing the country for political advantage, then this is a laughable lie. We all know who’s been purposely dividing the country; it’s bigots like Trump and Carlson.

5. Republican Leaders. On a weekend that added two more mass murders to this nation's ever-growing list, many Republican leaders tried their damnedest to avoid the press rather than discuss Trump's promotion of white nationalism or continued Republican obstruction of any and all new gun safety measures. CNN host Jake Tapper reported that the Republican Texas governor, lieutenant governor, both senators and the White House itself declined his invitation to appear. The White House did provide "acting" chief of staff Mick Mulvaney to ABC's This Week, where his primary task was, of course, defending Donald Trump against all available evidence that Trump's drumbeat of racist rhetoric is emboldening and encouraging white nationalist-inspired terrorism.

But some Republican leaders did manage to scurry to more friendly Fox News cameras in order to better dispense, unchallenged, their preferred talking points. Whatever party hack scribbled up what the Republican line would be, on a weekend that made the link between racist rhetoric and violence excruciatingly clear, they evidently have been frozen in ice since the Reagan administration and were thawed out for this one day and task. The "party line" for Republicans on this day would be that all these problems with guns, racist extremism and rampant violence is Actually the fault of ... video games?

“We’ve always had guns. We’ve always had evil. But what’s changed where we see this rash of shooting? And I see a video game industry that teaches young people to kill,” Texas Lt. Governor and megahack Dan Patrick told Fox News. 

Lest this be written off as the invention of a single hard-hard-right Texas crackpot, Republican House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy mouthed the same talking point. "The idea of these video games" is "a problem for future generations" he burped out. So yes. The party apparently came up with "it's not domestic terrorism, it is the scourge of video games" as actual strategy.

The actual motivations for the El Paso attack, in particular, are about as clear as they could be: to kill Mexicans. And they are so damning not just for Donald Trump, but for Fox News’ own obsession with white nationalist rhetoric.  Video games aren't causing white hatred of "the other," and inciting the motivation to act out on the hatred, it's people like Trump, Patrick, McCarthy, Carlson, and fellow bigots in the GOP.

6. Donald Trump, America’s Savior. I’m old enough to remember when the idea that Donald Trump would declare himself God Emperor was a joke. And yes, it’s still a joke. Just not the funny ha-ha kind.

On Wednesday alone, Donald Trump first tweeted quote in which he was described as the “King of Israel” and “the second coming of God, ” which seems like it would be enough maximum-scale delusions of grandeur for anyone on a single day, especially when it was given a boost by Trump’s claim that American Jews who didn’t support him were “deeply disloyal.”

However, it turns out that Trump wasn’t done. Standing on the South Lawn of the White House on Wednesday afternoon, Trump set out to explain why he, and only he, can solve the trade war with China. And no. The answer was not “because I created this trade war out of my own fundamental misunderstandings of economics and finally recognize that the American consumer is shelling out billions to defend my fragile ego.”

Instead Trump looked to the sky and declared: “I am the chosen one.”

What's next?  Don't be surprised if Donald Trump announces he will build a pyramid in his honor on the National Mall-- as a jobs program no doubt.
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And the winner is:

The only thing worse than being an egomaniac, serial misogynist, and certified sleazebag, is believing that the world would be a better place with more people like you. Jeffrey Epstein’s nefarious crimes and fixation with “transhumanism” has netted him the August 2019 IGGY, albeit posthumously.